


How to survive in an old horror film: horror of Dracula

by SkeletonHypetrain



Category: Blade (Movie Series), Horror of Dracula (1958)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-03-02 16:16:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18814492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkeletonHypetrain/pseuds/SkeletonHypetrain
Summary: the second installment of `how to survive in an old horror film: horror of dracula´





	How to survive in an old horror film: horror of Dracula

Hello and welcome to the second installment of how to survive in an old horror film, by this time, our fellow friends the mertens will appear, so let’s go.  
This survival starts with our pals, paul mertens and his friend, paullie: the one who was in our first survival.

So paul started with his grandpa to do some stuff with some English housing or whatever is called.

Paullie: im telling you that blacula will appear.  
Paul: how about count chocula.  
Paullie: we are in a wampire movie what are you going to expect.  
Paul: oh here he comes!  
And a mysterious figure appear wearing black clothes.  
Paullie: oh god it’s the 1958´s horror of dracula´s Dracula.  
Paul: is that…  
Paullie: yeah that Dracula played by Christopher lee.  
Paul: oh I know, oh hello!  
Alucard: greetings.  
Paullie: hey you are…  
Alucard: alucard  
Paullie: dude, that´s Dracula backwards, do you think that I am an idiot?  
And another movie scene ruined by paullie.  
Anyway so after speaking with this alucard, your friend(paullie) was in one of the bedrooms, watching Netflix.  
Paullie: gee, i´ve seen a lot of these movies.  
But she looks at the windows.  
Paullie: gee, its cold, it’s better to close the windows.  
You got it, because you´ll know what happens next.  
Paullie: happen what?  
Look at the window.  
Paullie just looked at Dracula, who was knocking at the window, paullie let a wheezy laugh and showed the middle finger at him, then she go back to bed and used the laptop, but Dracula was inside of the room, making her jumpscare.  
Paullie: what tha fuck!, how the fuck did you go here!  
Dracula: I went through the door.  
Paullie: goddamn it  
Then Dracula stared her, he put his hands on her cheecks.  
Dracula: don’t make that face!  
Paullie: is because you have an unibrow!, gee idont know why you attract some woman with that.  
Dracula:shut up!  
Paullie: ok.  
Dracula tried to kiss her and then bite her, but suddenly, paullie shoved a large sized garlic bread in his vampire mouth, he started to cough and spitted out that bread.  
Paullie: haha, badabing badaboom you just got PAULLIED.  
Dracula: are you out of your mind!  
Paullie: its garlic, vampire likes you hates this!  
Dracula: you clever girl, i´ll be back.  
Paullie: whathever.  
Then Dracula go away.  
After this dialogue thing, in case if a vampire Is coming near your house, close your windows and doors, if there´s one in the house, put garlic on the rooms.  
Later.  
You(paullie) are with some people telling about what happened, but your other friend appeared

Paul: oh no!  
Paullie: what happened?  
Paul: alucard is vampire!  
Paullie: ya mean Dracula.  
Paul: oh.  
Paullie: just captain obvious arrived.  
Paul: what are we going to do!  
Paullie: think what eldain would do in this case.  
Paul: well.

Now let’s get into the vampire business, in case of vampire approaching, you should have the vampire kit or making your own, you need holy water, a cross, garlic, a hammer and a wooden stake.  
But you always have to need a vampire bait also known as one of your friends.  
We can see an example of the vampire bait at the library.  
Paullie: very funny!, oh here he comes.  
Dracula: so we meet again.  
Paullie: I was expecting blacula.  
Dracula: enough of that!.  
Paul: huzzah!  
Dracula: too late!, now im gonna bite you!  
Paul: oh no!, what are we going to do!  
???: i´ll help you!

Who said, oh god!, is that eldain?, and why he´s dressed up as hugh jackman in that van helsing movie?  
The merterns: ELDAIN!  
Eldain: yes, I was defeating my big problem again after he got loose in the hell jail, so let’s go into vampire business, but im not alone!.  
Blade: did someone said: vampire business!  
Paullie: holy shit,BLADE!

So the battle began, after hours of battle, eldain pulled out the blinds, making Dracula screech.  
Paullie pulled out the cross  
Paullie: this is a Christian server, motherfucker!.  
After that, Dracula turned into dust, thanks to the vampire kit and an expert.

Paullie: is it over.  
???:I Think not.  
The one who said, it was blacula.  
Paullie: yeah!  
Paul:blacula?  
Blacula: it is I, lets dance.

And they dance while ``lets groove´´ by earth,wind and fire was playing.

It´s supposed to be a how to survive in an horror film tutorial, why this is coming to the rapture!.

I hope the next one is going to be like in the first one.


End file.
